The Itinerants Path

After two weeks of staying at the Aspirancy house as a part-time staff of the summer vocation workshop, I have to leave and attend to a module course recommended by my Brother Superior last annual retreat. This is also the time for me to transfer from one community to another. Change of assignment is somehow difficult  when I have accumulateed stuff that I believe, relevant to my ministry; like teaching materials and of course, my personal belongings. I learned from this lesson: never collect unnecessary things in life, only the essentials.

Together with Br. Mark, we left Gen. Santos City to Cebu. At Mactan airport, Mr. Sonny Barriatos of American President Lines fetched us and brought us to Cebu City proper. He was my former officemate when I was still working at Makar Wharf in Gen. Santos City. I am thankful of him because we had no difficulty when we arrived here in Cebu. So where’s the stranger?

A Stranger Journeying With the Itinerant

First night at Cebu started to become meaningful to me (And still becoming more meaningful at the moment). I dreamed of a person whom I do not know. The person looks like a foreigner, a total stranger to me. I tried to look at my new experiences when I arrived; how I found the place and the people to this venue of our summer course. I wondered until lately, it seems that God wants me to be in a strange place with strange experiences. The stranger in my dream might be an image of new experiences, new acquaintance and new opportunities in life.

My co-participants were strangers to me until gradually became people whom I can rely and learned with so many things related to our module course. Indeed, God uses people to show himself in my experiences. But how can I see him when I feel like I am not worthy to be here, to learn how to direct and facilitate spiritual needs of other people. Is it becoming an experience of desolation after experiences of consolations?

The initial lesson we had was about the spirituality of St. Ignatius of Loyola. We started talking about his spiritual exercises, and I started identifying the consolations I experienced before I arrived here at the Jesuit Retreat House. And now, I find myself having a hard time with things seems I don’t understand at the moment. This, what I said above, maybe an experience of desolation. What a strange moment in my journey!

Power Movie Moves

One of the participants, a young priest who happened to become a friend after short acquaintances gave me something to watch to relieve myself from “boredom” after I expressed my impression to the place, and also because I had nothing to do at that moment. The priest also opened a topic about his vocation and we exchanged vocation stories until such time he asked why can’t I be a priest. He challenged me to consider priesthood just like him. Is this the stranger in my dream? WTH! Anyway, the Tagalog movie was “Maging Akin Muli,” with Marvin Agustin as the leading actor. Even at the beginning of the story, I started to feel uneasy and became uncomfortable as I continued watching the first theme. It was about a young seminarian who became a deacon and being assigned to a local parish. I wasn’t able to finish it. After 15 minutes, I stopped watching. I began to ask myself, “What the heck was this priest trying to tell me?” Is it desolation?

Somehow, I also asked, “God, are you here in my present experience trying to communicate to me in this way? Again, God uses people also to stir me and tell me, he wants my attention, maybe… Of course, the priest whom I talked with has nothing to do with it; he was just an instrument of the circumstances. At this point of time, I’m reflecting whether it’s really desolation or a sorrowful consolation, showing or challenging how rooted I am in my early formation. I’m sure, after learning new rules in the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius, I will be able to determine the real score here… Peace, bro… wala kang kasalanan dito

In my prayers, I tried to be open yet I also feel fear and anxiety. I am trying to understand everything at the moment but seems understanding everything is not the way how to move on, but to let things be at the moment…

The Question

Will I become an effective Spiritual Director after this experiences? Only the Holy Spirit knows all about it.

The Course

The course for Giving Retreats and Spiritual Direction is being facilitated by the Jesuit Retreat House-Cebu Institute for Ignatian Partnerships and Organization Development (IIPOD) directed by Fr. Vic Baltazar, SJ together with Fr. Roberto Buenconsejo, SJ; the Campus Ministry Director of Ateneo de Manila University and also with Sr. Reylinda de Guzman, DC, Sr. Perry Inso, RC, Sr. Sonia Arao, RC, Ms. Adelaida Endaya and Ms. May Alfafara. The program that started from April 30 to May 14 is divided into two modules; Retreat-Giving in an Institutional Setting and Supervised Practicum on Retreat-Giving.

The images used here were taken at JRH-Cebu. The chair may symbolizes the place of the stranger, taken at the parlor of the retreat house, while to other one is the facade of the retreat house itself.