The Itinerants Path

In the ???Stages of Spiritual Growth,??? by M. Scott Peck, I was struck most with the second and third stages, the ???Formal, Institutional, Fundamental???and ???Skeptic, Individual.??? Significant that I see myself within those stages. I can still see myself being a ???skeptic fundamentalist.??? Being raised in a rigid and principled family, I grew up looking at the authority with fear and respect. That turned out to be me, who tends to be legalistic and a person who ???sticks to the rule.??? Even before when I was a teenager, I had a great need of security and never took a risk without reassurance. I played well with this .

Somehow, I can see myself being always caught in between these two stages. Mostly this time, I find myself as a skeptic who questions every angle of my own perspective and of others on something crucial like decision making in the community, or even in our class discussions in the formation house. I feel like I am the devil’s advocate who plays the role of securing our plans for the better; no shortcuts for me, I plan and do it accordingly. I tend to be independent yet a contemplative individual. In the community, I have always the reservation so that tasks would be successfully done. One concrete example of this was during our class in Ecclesiology. There was a discussion about the Bishop who spoke boldly against stem cell research in Australia; I stood up to silence the Bishop with the reason that he should speak within the Church (Although I knew I wasn’t right with my stance).

Though doubtful sometimes, I also learned to be with the spirit of the whole community. Out of being ???skeptic,??? I feel the intense need of transcendence yet I am aware of my limitations. My thoughts were busy for past weeks having a vocational discernment to the extent that even discuss my dream few days ago with my accompanitor. I dreamed of an old man asking me to write his last will and testament while there was also a child I am taking care of in the dream, and suddenly, I was talking to a family of a certain cult, involved in selling charms and potions; seems members of ???New Age Movement.??? I am wondering until now; am I a famous ???backslider??? on my own?

With my discernment, these present events in my life is something clearer that God is telling me to slow down once again. I tend to overlook the messages of the Divine in my daily experiences by asking so many questions, by being

In responding to these challenges and realization, I would like to believe with the famous quotation, ???Little knowledge is dangerous.??? Simply the ability to discern with humility and recognition of my humanness will help me in any ways to be attuned to the ultimate reality. My inclination to be a spiritual person help me to respond accordingly and with flexibility on how do I live and recollect my daily experiences; things that I must be grateful of and not to be afraid of. My community has been helping me to be a more mature Christian, engaged in living my vows faithfully. Thus each community member contributes on how do I look at my present life, reassuring me that there are people I can lean on upon giving up my own security and comfort zones. I seek for truth and that truth leads me to freedom by means of believing and trusting other people, with conviction that to them, too, God is present.

On this day..

• Children's and fatherhood? - 2006